


The Tip of the Iceberg

by loserchic



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Law Enforcement, Amnesia, Amnesiac Derek Hale, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, M/M, Omega Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28446654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loserchic/pseuds/loserchic
Summary: Derek Hale and Stiles Stilinski got engaged a month ago, but Stiles doesn't seem to want to tell anyone. And this is starting to seriously bother Derek...((This is a scene study for me in information reveal. This scene starts out relatively simple, and over the course of it more and more information about the complicated situation is revealed. Lots of angst. I wrote this because I was in my feelings and thought I'd share it with those who are interested.))
Relationships: Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 12
Kudos: 214





	The Tip of the Iceberg

Laying with his head resting against the car window as the street lights illuminate his face in passing, his eyes half closed, Stile is-- as always-- the most beautiful thing Derek has ever seen, but the alpha needs to not get caught up in that now. If Derek had a nickel for every time he’s sat in a car with Stiles, just searching the omega’s scent for hints of distress, pain, or just generalized unhappiness, over the last three and a half years, he could probably afford real estate on the moon by now, and tonight the omega doesn’t even smell anything but garden variety tired. Stiles even has a small, private smile on his perfect lips, that tells Derek the omega is probably replaying something hilarious he and Lydia said to each other tonight at the dinner party in his head. Derek has spent a lot of time analyzing this shit like it’s his job-- and to be fair, it is part of his job-- and Stiles smells content tonight, even mildly happy, so why this pressing alpha instinct that something is really wrong here, why the cold edges of whatever precedes panic? 

“Hey Stiles?” Derek says. He’s practiced how to brooch this about 75 times in his head in the last fifteen minutes since they got in the car. Should he take one hand off the wheel and reach out and touch Stiles’ hand? Should he be touching the omega for this? Well, Derek always  _ should _ be touching Stiles, but sometimes he can’t, but now he could--

“Mm?” Stiles’ answer is sleepy, but Derek can’t help but notice the way the omega’s smile brightens a little at the sound of his alpha saying his name.

“So, um…” Oh God. His mouth is already not working. “So, Lydia said something to me when I went back into the butler’s pantry to help her open a bottle of wine.” 

“Oh, yeah?” These sounds that are coming out of Stiles’ mouth-- they’re barely words. Maybe Derek should try this when Stiles is more awake. But no-- if Derek is being honest with himself, if he doesn’t get this out now, he probably will lose his nerve, and he doesn’t want this anxiety to eat away at him. He doesn’t think he could actually take that. 

“Yeah,” Derek clicks on his turn signal. “She um, she made a joke about me ‘putting a ring on it.’” 

“Oh, that’s funny,” Stiles still sounds half-asleep and unbothered. Derek is freaking out over nothing, right? The alpha can’t help but look down at Stiles’ ring finger where the omega won’t wear the engagement ring Derek got him outside of their house. 

“Yeah,” Derek says automatically. “I mean…” He shakes his head and takes the plunge. “Stiles, why haven’t you told Lydia about us being engaged?” 

Stiles hasn’t moved his head from the window, but he’s eyeing Derek now. He snorts, “You don’t think Lydia has better things to do than think about my personal life?” 

“Yeah… I mean, no.” Derek says. “She’s your best friend. She likes you more than I’ve seen her like anything.” 

“And she doesn’t even like me that much,” Stiles laughs at his own joke. Derek doesn’t. 

“Didn’t you say you wanted her to be the maid of honor?” Derek asks.

“...yeah.” Stile has stopped laughing and has turned his eyes back out of the window.

“It’s been about a month since we got engaged--” 23 days to be exact, but who is counting? “I thought maybe you’d want to take her with us to look at venues. I told you they book up pretty fast, and Lydia loves planning events…” Derek trails off. God help him, it’s been exactly three and a half years since Stiles was a rookie who was given to Derek as his partner at the agency, and despite Derek’s catastrophic start as Stitles’ superior partner, he’d really thought he’d gotten better at communicating with the omega. 

“Lydia has better things to do than worry about than what’s going on with me,” Stiles says, and under the lightness of the omega’s tone, Derek can hear strain. 

“Have you told your dad, we’re engaged?” Derek asks before he can stop himself.

“If I did that he’d just want to talk about it,” Stiles’ voice is so casual, Derek almost pulls the car over right then and there so he can really get to the bottom of this. 

But Derek is supposed to be done when it comes to responding in insane alpha ways to Stiles, so he just says, “And that’s… bad?” 

“I mean, it could be,” Stiles’ tone is joking. Okay-- the omega is being evasive on purpose and he thinks it’s working, but this doesn’t work on Derek-- not anymore. 

Thank God they’ve pulled up to the house now, and Derek is parking the SUV in the garage. He snaps his seatbelt off and out of habit, turns and takes Stiles’ off too. The omega is still avoiding his eyes.

“Stiles, is something wrong?” Derek asks, and he has to work very, very hard to keep his own voice casual, non-confrontational, not panicking, not demanding. 

“Of course not,” Stiles says automatically. “What could be wrong?” 

Stiles is saying this like he believes it, but Derek also knows that’s a deliberately idiotic question. When it comes to the two of them, historically, anything could be wrong and in the past, it has been. 

Usually Derek gets out of the car and moves over and opens Stiles’s side of the car to let the omega out. This is an agency policy designed to keep omega assets safe that has spilled into their home life, but Derek isn’t moving and Stiles generally refuses to be trapped in enclosed spaces with anyone, even if he’s technically not trapped, so the omega is kicking the car door open and heading into the house. 

Derek follows him. He’s not an alpha partner who lets Stiles out of his sight anymore-- he did far too much of that in their first two years together at the agency. He follows the omega through the kitchen, and up the stairs into their bedroom. A lot can be said about Stiles, but being stupid isn’t one of them. The omega is shedding his clothes, revealing the beautiful, perfect skin that has invited worship since Derek saw it for the first time, and the alpha guesses this is Stiles’ way of shutting this, or any, conversation down-- and the omega smells so good, it almost works. 

Derek leans in the doorway of their ensuite bathroom as Stiles starts running hot water into the soaking tub. The omega is naked now and this is something that is never going to stop distracting Derek to ridiculous level and the only thing keeping the alpha from going over and touching all of that perfect skin is this nagging fear, this underlying idea that’s been eating at Derek since the dinner party that maybe all of this-- all of Stiles, isn’t something Derek is going to get to keep. 

“Stiles--” Derek says, and his voice comes out softer than he anticipated. “You do want to marry me, don’t you?” 

Stiles looks up at him and there is very real surprise playing on the omega’s face. “Of course,” the omega says, and Derek believes it. A year and a half ago, this answer would have been good enough for Derek, but it’s not anymore. He knows the omega and his infinite complexities better now. 

“I mean--” Derek starts, looking into Stiles’ eyes, searching him for answers, even the ones he doesn’t want to hear. “You are going to marry me, right?” 

“...if that’s what you want.” The pause is half a second, but any hesitation on Stiles’ part is too long. The omega is looking away now and climbing into the tub. 

“What do you mean, if that’s what I want?” Okay, that panic, that concern Derek has been trying to keep out of his voice? It’s now taken over this conversation. “ _ Of course _ , that’s what I want! Is that what you want?” 

Stiles looks up at him, and the omega’s face is closed, but then Stiles looks down and says in this raw voice, “More than anything.” 

“Then why aren’t we telling anyone?” Derek asks, and he knows he sounds bitter, he can’t help it. He wants people to know Stiles said yes to him. He wants people to know Stiles is his forever. 

There’s this long pause where all Derek can hear is the water lapping against the tub and the precious skin of his omega. And then, “It just--” Sitles closes his eyes and sighs. “It just feels like a lot.” 

“Getting married?” Derek asks. He thought Stiles might get a little overwhelmed by the idea of making this official-- it’s not unheard of-- but then the omega had been so ecstatic when he’d proposed, Derek had assumed Stiles didn’t have doubts about this. The way that Derek didn’t have doubts about this. 

“No.” Stiles leans back in the water. “I mean… so, we’re engaged.”

“Yeah.” Derek nods.

“And… I just think we should hold off a little.” Stiles says, and he’s back to avoiding Derek’s eyes. “I mean, it’s only been a month.” 

“That’s… I mean, you get that usually people don’t like, wait to tell people after they’ve gotten engaged, right?” Derek often wonders how Stiles can seem so intelligent and normal and still be so weird sometimes. Whatever, he’s into it. 

“Well, yeah,” Stiles says carefully. “But that’s like, other people.”

“Other people?” Derek has no idea where he’s going with this. 

“Yeah,” Stiles nods. “Who aren’t us. Who… maybe don’t have the history I have… with you.” 

And it’s like Derek’s chest is caving in and possibly his life along with it. He should have known the last eighteen months hadn’t been good enough, hadn’t possibly been enough to make up for the two years that came before them. He should have understood that there’s no way Stiles would ever feel safe with him, would ever let Derek all the way in after everything. Derek doesn’t deserve him. He’s never deserved Stiles, and Stiles has always known this. 

“Oh.” Is all he can say. He’s so inadequate. 

“Yeah.” Stiles takes a shaky breath and all Derek wants to do is haul him out of the tub, beg forgiveness, and kiss him until the omega agrees to stay, agrees to never leave, even if Derek has no right to ask this. But then Stiles is talking again. “So, it just… it seems like I just… I don’t want to tell people we’re getting married and then, when you change your mind, I just… it seems like kind of a lot to have to tell everyone the wedding is off, and I just… I don’t want to have to do that.” 

“Wait--” Derek’s brain is processing this very poorly. “ _ When I change my mind? _ ” He’s sure his face is not flattering right now. 

“Yeah,” Stiles says. And how does this make any sense?

“You think I’m going to change my mind?!” Derek practically screams this at Stiles, and it’s really not good, but Derek’s a little too overcome by the complete and utter lunacy the omega is spouting right now to edit himself. 

Stiles is looking at him now, and that’s a step in the right direction, but the naked omega’s face has also gone from tentative to unbearably sharp. “Don’t say that like I’m some kind of insane person, Derek--” Stiles snaps. “Like I just pulled that idea out of my ass!” 

“Okay, well don’t come to me talking about me changing my mind when I tell you constantly that I love you, that you’re the thing that matters most to me, and I never want to be without you!” Derek snaps back. “I can barely stand to be away from you from you for a goddamn afternoon, how do you figure I could suddenly wake up and want to be away from you for a lifetime?!” 

“Yeah, you say that now,” Stiles says, his eyes flashing. 

“You think I’m lying?!” Again with the yelling. Somebody should stop him. Yelling at Stiles is exactly why Derek doesn’t deserve the omega in the first place, but Derek can’t lose him, not if there’s a chance Stiles loves him back. 

“I don’t think you’re lying  _ now _ .” Stiles says, and he looks resigned. “But… I mean… Derek--” Stiles closes his eyes. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done any of this.” 

“What do you mean?” Derek demands, and he rushes over and kneels by the tub. Stiles just sounds so broken and smells so miserable, Derek can’t stand it. “What are you talking about?” 

“When you woke up in the hospital after that head wound,” Stiles says quietly. “Eighteen months ago. And you couldn’t remember who I was or anything from the last three years. You couldn’t remember meeting me or me being assigned to you at the agency-- you couldn’t remember that you hated me.” Stiles' whole body sighs. 

“I didn’t hate you--” Derek says. “I’ve  _ never  _ hated you.” 

“You don’t know that,” Stiles snaps. “You still don’t remember anything from our first two years as partners. And then you woke up and you didn’t know who I was other than what people told you, and you wanted to be close to me.” 

“I did,” Derek says. “I’ve always wanted to be close to you. I just didn’t know how to before.” 

“I know that’s what you’ve decided,” Stiles sighs, “but you still don’t remember. I should never have just… let you. Not when I know full well that being close to me is something you would never want if you still had those memories.” 

“Stiles, it’s not like people haven’t told me about how things were in the two years we were partners that I can’t remember,” Derek says. “It’s not like I don’t have my logs. Do you know how detailed they are?” 

“Yeah, that’s what you’ve said,” Stiles sighs, and Derek still hears all kinds of doubt in the omega’s voice. “But I still don’t think you get it-- I don’t think you really understand how much you hate me. And if-- when, you get your memories back-- you’re going to go back to hating me.” 

“Stiles, I may not remember what happened myself,” Derek says, his voice breaking a little. “But I know I was so bad to you before. Boyd and Erica and Lydia and Scott have filled me in-- in detail. I know I was horrible to you-- horrible, probably doesn’t even cover the half of it. The agency never should have let me keep you and it kills me to know that I am the kind of person who could put anyone-- let alone you, through that.” Derek sighs. “I know why you don’t trust me. And I know I deserve it.” 

“It wasn’t all your fault,” Stiles says lowly. 

“Yes-- it was.” Derek says emphatically. “It was all my fault. Nothing you or anyone could have possibly done would justify how I treated you.” 

“You didn’t want me,” Stiles says, and his voice is always the same when he says this. It’s filled with carefully contained, meticulously hidden pain. “The agency relocated your former partner and made you take me, and you were right to think you didn’t deserve that. You were a war hero.” 

“I was an idiot,” Derek says. “And anyways, you know Boyd told me I didn’t hate you because I didn’t want you-- I hated you because I thought you didn’t want me. Boyd told me a week after you were assigned to me, I overheard you telling another rookie that I was a piece of illiterate neanderthal trash, and you couldn’t stand me being anywhere near you, and I couldn’t take your rejection. And I punished you for it for two years.” 

“Again,” Stiles sighs, “That was my fault. I mean, I did say that. I just didn’t know you heard it until Boyd told you about it a month after you lost your memory and you were trying to put the pieces together. I assumed you just hated me because, well, the obvious things-- I took your partner away from you and I’m beneath your notice.” 

“Stiles, when I woke up in the hospital and saw you sitting in the chair next to my bed, I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen,” Derek says truthfully. “And then they told me you were my partner. That you were mine, and I even though I still had memories of Kate, I never once thought I’d rather have her back, over being with you-- this omega I knew nothing about.” Derek sighs, thinking back to the confusing first few weeks after he’d lost his memories. “And they told me we’d been partners for two years and I couldn’t figure out why you startled every time I tried to touch you, why you smelled so nervous around me all of the time, why you didn’t want to be gentled by me.” Derek shuts his eyes, once again overcome with shame. “And so then I looked into my logs and my records and I couldn’t understand the data. Why were you my partner of two years, and you were underweight? Why had I allowed that to happen to you? Why did you eat at a different table in the mess hall instead of next to me where I could watch your calorie intake? Why were you on the constant edge of touch starvation? Why didn’t we sleep together in the same space on missions where it was so cold, it’s dangerous for an omega to sleep alone? Hell, why didn’t we sleep together in the same space all of the time? I just… I didn’t get it.” Derek sighs. He knows he’s told this to Stiles before, but he can’t stop himself from rehashing. 

“So I asked Lydia. After all, I had grown up with her and she knew me better than anyone. Her dependant partner at the agency came from the same academy as you did, and seemed to know you well. And what she told me--” Derek sighs, shame and guilt and self-hatred filling him all over again. “What she told me I didn’t want to believe. She told me she has no respect for me anymore. She said she’s spent the last two years watching me treat my partner-- treat you-- like dirt because I couldn’t get over my wounded pride. She said I only got away with it because everyone at the agency has always kissed me and my family’s asses and she said you’d tried to take yourself out of the situation before, that you’d tried to get them to give you another partner, and I wouldn’t let you go.” 

“I know, Derek,” Stiles sighs. “And it doesn’t matter. I told you, it doesn’t matter.” 

“It does and it should--” Derek says, looking at Stiles. He wants to touch him, wants to gather the omega in his arms and tell him he’ll never let the monster that is Derek himself, ever hurt him again. “And maybe I’m the one who shouldn’t have asked more of you. Even if I can’t remember doing what I did, I do know what I did, and I don’t deserve you after all of that.” 

Stiles is quiet for a long moment and Derek thinks maybe the omega has finally seen reason and is about to leave him for good this time. And Jesus-- Derek deserves that, but he doesn’t know how he’ll survive it. 

“Do you love me?” Stiles is looking at Derek now, his face unsure, unhappy. 

“Yes,” Derek says, and he knows his voice is rough. “More than anything.” Derek sighs. “I think that’s why I couldn’t let you go, even when I was being so terrible to you. I couldn’t… I didn’t want to let you go.” 

“I love you too,” Stiles says quietly. “All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed of at the academy was the approval of my superior partner. I always idolized you at the academy-- we all did, but I never thought they’d make me your partner. And when they did, I knew I didn’t deserve your approval, not even close, and yet, when I couldn’t get it, I was still angry.” Stiles laughs humorlessly. “So, I didn’t make it easy on you. I made it really hard-- for both of us. I thought I could at least earn the hatred you had for me. And to be fair, I think I did that with flying colors.” Stiles closes his eyes. “And then you woke up with no memories of me. And you looked over from the hospital bed, and asked Boyd who I was.” Stiles shakes his head as if he still can’t wrap his brain around this. “And he told you I was your partner. And I expected you to laugh derisively the way you did the first time they told you I was your partner, but you didn’t.” Stiles sighs. “You grabbed my hand and pulled me closer and said, ‘That’s why you smell so awful. I can still take care of you, I promise. It’s going to be okay. I can still protect you.’”

“I remember,” Derek says, his voice bloodless. “You smelled miserable. And I stupidly thought you were just stressed after seeing your partner in a hospital bed. But then your scent never got better and Boyd said you just always smell awful.” 

“And I realized in that moment that even though I had spent two years telling myself that I hated you, I still wanted you to want to protect me. I wanted you to look at me like you did in the hospital.” Stiles says, his eyes flicker to Derek’s from the tub. “The way you’re looking at me now. And so I’m sorry-- I got carried away. I just… it feels so good to be with you like this.”

“You told me more times than I can count that I hate you,” Derek says. “It’s not like you haven’t been bringing it up everyday. I can’t forget even though I want to. And I know I don’t deserve to forget how I’ve treated you.” 

“You’re going to get your memories back, Derek,” Stiles says, and his voice is so distant. “You’re going to remember and you’re going to hate me for taking advantage of you like this.” Stiles turns away and Derek knows he’s crying and it kills Derek. Even when Stiles is hungry or tired, or seriously injured, Stiles never cries. “So, we can’t tell anyone, Derek. I can’t tell people at some point you wanted to marry me, and it didn’t stay like that. I just… I can’t.” 

“I know I don’t deserve it,” Derek says, and he feels like his lungs are collapsing. “I never deserved it, but I want to keep you. I want you to want to be with me, to love me, to let me keep you forever.” Derek swallows. “You’ve smelled happier this past year. I know you have. You smell happy.”

“I have been happy,” Stiles says lowly, still not looking at Derek. “Happier than I’ve ever been.”

“I can make you happy,” Derek says hopefully. “I promise I can keep doing that if you let me stay. I just--” 

“You’ll change your mind.” Stiles says again, defeated. “When you get your memories back.”

“I know what happened, Stiles,” Derek says. “I don’t need to get my memories back! And selfishly, I don’t want them ever to come back, because I don’t want to remember all of the pain I know I’ve caused you. But even if they do come back, I’m still going to want you the way I do now, because Lydia and Boyd say I’ve always wanted you the way I do now-- I just haven’t known how to handle it. And I guess… I still don’t.” Derek reaches out for Stiles’ hand. “Just… please…” Stiles doesn’t look at him, but he squeezes Derek’s hand back. “Do you want to marry me?” Derek asks again. 

Stiles closes his eyes and his whole body kind of sighs. “Yeah.” He says. “I do.” 

“I don’t want to lose you,” Derek says. “I know it’s not fair, but God help me I can’t lose you.” 

“You’re not going to lose me,” Stiles says, and he looks back at Derek. “Not until you decide you want me to leave.” 

“You promise?” Derek asks, and he knows this isn’t something he is worthy of, but he just needs Stiles in a way that makes him selfish and terrible and always has. 

“Yeah, Derek.” Stiles says. 

“So you’ll let me marry you?” Derek asks, searching the omega’s face.

“Yes,” Stiles nods again. 

“When?” Derek presses forwards, he can’t help it. 

“Whenever you want,” Stiles says, and Derek thinks he means it. Derek prays he means it.

“Tomorrow?” Derek asks, clutching Stiles’ hand.

Stiles just kind of stares at him for a moment before nodding, “Yeah. Okay. If that’s what you want.”

“It’s not what I want,” Derek says honestly. “What I wanted was to marry you a year and half ago that I know of, and I’m pretty sure I wanted to marry you long before that.” 

Stiles looks at him, “And what happens when you wake up, Derek? What happens when your memories come back?” 

“Then I’ll want to know we’re legally married even more,” Derek says. “Because then I’ll have all of the memories of why you should hate me and I’ll be even more scared than I am now that you’ll come to your senses and leave.” 

“I’m not going to leave Derek,” Stiles says, and he leans his head against Derek’s shoulder. “But if it will keep us from ever having this conversation again, we can go to the courthouse in the morning.” 

  
  



End file.
